


219. ripped pictures

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [189]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:54:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9204878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Anonymous asked: How about like a drabble in which Sarah loses her memory instead of Helena? How would they deal with that?





	

“We have to tell her everything,” says Cosima. She’s pacing back and forth across Siobhan’s living room; S took Sarah to a brain-doctor, and they know she won’t be back for hours. “Mrs. S has – photo albums, right? We’ll just – tell her who she is, all of it.”

“Why?” Helena says.

Cosima stops, looks at her. Alison also looks at Helena. It’s the same face, but not the same look; Cosima looks much sharper.

“What do you mean, _why_ ,” Cosima says slowly. “We’re not gonna lie to her, Helena.”

“Not lying,” Helena says with a shrug. “Just not quite truthing.”

“She has a point,” says Alison nervously. Cosima whips her head around to stare at Alison, confused, betrayed; Alison fiddles with the cross around her neck. “I’m not saying we lie to her—” (Helena nods, eagerly) “but Cosima, she – she _dealt drugs!_ ” Her voice lowers to a scandalized whisper on the last few words. “Her boyfriends were terrible, you heard about Vic. She’s grown as a person, why – tell her?”

“Hurts,” Helena agrees. “Forgetting is nice. I like it. If she wants to not have forgettings, then we tell her. Otherwise no.”

“You’re kidding,” Cosima says. “You’re – you have to be joking, are you serious?”

“Put to vote,” Helena says, eyes wide and innocent.

\--

Cosima loses.

\--

“Hey,” Sarah says, the second Helena walks through the door. She grins a lot more now than she did before. Sits easier, too. There’s something in her muscles that still screams _jump_ , but – Helena has that _jump-_ thing too and she knows that it, like Sarah’s, would fade away to rust if she didn’t remember the reason for it. Sarah’s holding a mug of tea in relaxed fingers. She’s grinning. At _Helena_.

“Hello, _sestra_ ,” Helena says. She sits down next to Sarah on the couch, watches the way Sarah’s fingers don’t tremble on the mug. “How are you.”

“Alright,” Sarah says, staring into the middle distance. “Keep almost remembering things, but – not quite. I don’t know. Bits and pieces. Puzzle I can’t put together, yes?”

(The _yes?_ is jarring. She picked it up from Helena. In trying to remember how to be herself Sarah keeps stealing pieces from the rest of them, the world’s most adored magpie. The _yes?_ she took from Helena. It fits in her mouth so easily, right between her teeth, and she took it from Helena.)

“Yes,” Helena echoes. She tilts her head to the side. “Do you want a story. About you.”

“Don’t know,” Sarah says, shrugging a shoulder. “Sort of makes me embarrassed, if that makes sense.” She lets out a little huff of a laugh. “Your Sarah was—”

( _The bravest person I know_ , Cosima tells her.

 _Smart_ , Alison tells her, _very smart, but very fierce._

 _Kind_ , Helena tells her. _Good_.)

“—the hero,” Sarah says. “And I’m just…”

“You are Sarah,” Helena tells her. “You don’t have to be her. If your heart says no, or your head says no.”

“Pretty sure that big empty space is my head sayin’ no,” Sarah mutters to herself.

“You can be anything,” Helena says. “If she isn’t who you want to be.”

“But you loved her,” Sarah says. “All of you. I can hear it, yes? In your voices. Way you look at me.”

“We love you,” Helena says. “Every you. This you is nice. She has tea.”

Sarah rolls the mug around in her hand, turning it in circles. “So if I changed my name to Samantha, cut off all my hair and moved to France, you’d still…”

“Yes,” Helena says. “Always.”

“Even if I don’t remember.”

“Yes.”

“Shit,” Sarah sighs, a whistle between her teeth. “I must have done some great things, to make you care about me this much.”

“You saved my life,” Helena tells her. She looks away, towards the ceiling; she can’t look at Sarah anymore. “I was in a cage. You let me out. You let me go. And there I was, in the world.” _And I could be anything_ , she thinks, but she doesn’t say it out loud. She wants Sarah to get it, sort of, but mostly she doesn’t want that at all.

“A cage?” Sarah says. “Like – literal cage, or…”

“Yes,” Helena says. “Much litters.”

Sarah laughs before Helena can finish. “That’s not what that means,” she says, grinning.

“Mm,” Helena says, drawing out the sound. “Says you. You don’t remember. Words changed. New laws.”

“Alright,” Sarah says, “if you say so.” She takes another drink of tea. “Do you want to tell me about it? The cage.”

“I don’t know,” Helena says, honestly. “Do you want to hear it?”

“I don’t know,” Sarah says back. She stares into her mug. “So here we are, I guess.”

“Right here,” Helena says. “Nowhere else.”

“For all I know,” Sarah tells her mug, “this could be the whole world. This couch. This house. Weird, isn’t it?”

 _It’s a nice house_ , Helena thinks.

 _It’s a nice world to know_ , Helena thinks. _It’s soft._

“It’s not,” she says. “There’s more. I promise.”

Sarah stares at her. Helena can’t read her face very well, still, but she tells herself that Sarah’s eyes are knowing. “Tell me about the cage,” she says. “I’ve decided.”

“Okay,” Helena says. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed!


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